Divorce

writingsforwinter:

Sometimes you have to break up with your old heart

in order to find one that beats more clearly, more rapid staccato than sluggish tempo.

The woman my mother was just after I’d been born had hair

that changed colors with each arriving season, and was beautiful during every one.

Today, my body goes through the seasons exactly like she did,

with new tattoos mapping themselves out across my sternum and solar plexus

in such a way that my skin forgets it’s a straitjacket

and begins to think it’s a collection of well-traveled continents.

The first man I slept with asked me why I never looked like the same person twice,

and I replied that I learned from the very best.

My heart never beats in precisely the same rhythm

just as what I once considered to be words

I now consider wounds.

And the woman my mother once was is no longer the woman she still is,

just as the first man I slept with is no longer the first man I loved.

In the beginning there were periods of time in which

I would play hide and seek with myself, secretly hoping to find some version of me

that was stable enough to stick around for a while without evolving.

But after a while I realized I run with the sun and love with the moon,

that everything I’ve been through only kaleidoscopes me into a better person

no matter what pieces I’ve had to let go to hold on to something else.

We all break up with pain in one way or another,

whether or not it calls us back.

(via writingsforwinter)

" A thousand dances, late night talks and morning rituals have occurred in this mind of mine. I am hopeless, I am stricken and I am dreaming of days with you. Should I not paint tomorrow with you in them? Let me explore the seas of countless beauty, climbing the waves so that I might catch the winds that will lead me to you. Let me be carried away from here, so that I might have a single moment with you. One day, I will no longer need to climb mountains to reach you, for you will wake me and I shall greet you like I greet the dawn, with hope and love. "
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" This is one more piece of advice I have for you: don’t get impatient. Even if things are so tangled up you can’t do anything, don’t get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it’s ready to come undone. You have to figure it’s going to be a long process and that you’ll work on things slowly, one at a time. "
" You will learn that sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, HURT. That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do. That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness. That it is possible to fall asleep during an anxiety attack. "
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" So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow. "
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" At that moment, the urge to be writing was stronger than any notion she had of what she might write. "